Published Poetry: "A Brutal Love" by Kimberly Phinney

In my garden, mid-bloom,

I take the sheers

and cut them to their knuckles.

Breaking their necks,

the petals shed like blood

on the sodden earth.

I stand over them.

I am brutal

to the roses,

to the day lilies,

and daisies.  

To the gardenias,

I am brutal

and unyielding—

their burnt offerings,

white ash,

like a death before me.

But I know better.

Oh, it is a Brutal Love

that birthed the universe,

demanded Isaac,

offered Job,

and required the Cross!

His is a Brutal Love:

ancient and unyielding,

perennial and unchanging.

Oh, it is a Brutal Love

that sheered me mid-bloom,

that allowed for winter days

of barren grief—

a dark night of the soul

like a death before me.

But He knew better.

In His garden

there is a severe mercy

in His pruning—

a Brutal Love falling down like rain.

And in His season

there is a humming from the earth:

a green bud unfurled.

And He is standing over me.

The Story Behind “A Brutal Love”

We learn so much when we are quiet and in gardens. This poem was a spiritual download for me as I recovered from my severe illness in 2021. It took me a full year to survive my surgeries and learn to walk again, and “A Brutal Love” was my first poem about my experiences facing sepsis and being bedridden for months on end with a rare cancer-like autoimmune disease.

I was working in my garden ALONE for the first time in more than a year, pruning my unkempt flowers—which, to be honest, looked just as sick as me: shriveled, bloomless, and weed-infested. I realized I had to be truly unmerciful as I sheered my beloved plants back to a seemingly nothing. I shed a tear because it felt like heartless abuse. But inside I knew it was required so they would have a chance to thrive again. If I left them as they were, they would never bloom in the Spring as I knew they could and one day be so overcome by the wild weeds they would perish. That’s when God stepped in and whispered to me, “See? See what I am doing with you? I am doing a NEW thing! I HAD to be “reckless” as you perceived it because I knew you needed pruning! I was preparing you for a future Spring you know nothing of!” I finally started to understand. I saw a glimpse of what God sees when he looks at us. I cried and nodded and said back to Him, “Beauty from ashes.”

I went inside to sit awhile in the silence. And this poem is what came. You see, sometimes it is a brutal love that is required. We need only trust in HIM and believe. Amen?

Publication Note: “A Brutal Love” was first published in print with Calla Press Literary Journal in Spring of 2022. Please see more at www.CallaPress.com.

Hello Again.

Hello, friend.

After many years away, I will be here from time to time. Not just as a photographer. But as a wife, mother, friend, artist, writer, and teacher.

When we finally had our miracle baby back in 2017, I made a very important decision: I quit all social media and paused my thriving photography business to focus on raising my daughter and cultivating a very quiet life with my close family and friends. I still seek that world, but something really BIG happened.

And I mean big.

In 2021, I almost died from post-surgery complications, sepsis, and a rare and very severe autoimmune disease that was cancer-like in nature. I was bedridden and in a wheelchair for about 6-7 months. I had three surgeries in one year. It took me another 6 months to walk again and gain average functionality back. The experience was harrowing and caused a true cascade of “worst-case” scenarios.

In this dark night of the soul, my husband, daughter, and I were saved by THREE things exactly: 1) our faith, 2) the love we had for each other, and 3) the love and care of our family and friends. Without their long-term care and love and the GRACE and MERCY and MIRACLES of God, I would not be here— or at the very least, I’d still be in a wheelchair.

Ours is a story even now I cannot fully wrap my mind around. I suspect it will take me years to heal and understand. But I promised God, if he saved me—if he saved US—I would spend all of my days telling everyone about it… and serving Him and his people with everything I have to give.

So, here I am telling you about it.

There will be much more to come. It will still be a quiet, private life spent in books, gardens, and an open page with my sweet daughter, husband, friends, and family… but it will also be an artist’s life who is just trying to serve others, love God, and tell everyone that MIRACLES DO HAPPEN.

GODSPEED TO YOU,

Kimberly

Stefanic Family Photos [tampa photographer]

When you're on a photography hiatus because you're almost nine months pregnant and your best friend from high school asks you to snap a few sweet pictures of her family for Christmas, you find a pretty field at sunset and pull up a chair! 

It was a great time, but I have to be honest: I was a little apprehensive. I hadn't shot professionally for months, and this time I'd be stationary! It was a fast thirty minutes of having lots of fun and avoiding bugs-- since Florida weather loves the 80s in December. I shot in a way that was loose and unencumbered by my perfectionism since I was so rusty. And honestly, I was just hoping (somehow, someway) I'd be able to get a few moments that wouldn't shame me and that would make my dear old friend happy.

Once we piled into the car and headed home for dinner and catching up, I had to steal a few glances at the images on my camera... By then, the apprehension increased. I knew I saw some great moments, but I was worried they'd be just right... or in focus... or with the right light... But instead of disappointment I was blown away by the moments we were able to capture together. Because I was so free in the moment and because I had forgotten some of my old "professional" habits, I was able to see more moments of pure love and joy and less moments that needed "perfect" composition or "perfect" execution. It was a wonderful lesson of learning to "let go" and to just "sit" in the moment. It was an example of trusting myself and my instincts...

But on a much larger scope and in a much deeper way learning to "let go" and just "sit" in the moment is exactly what God's been trying to teach me during this pregnancy... and to be honest, for most of my adult life. What a beautiful metaphor this shoot was for me: Things turn out far more beautiful and meaningful and special when we let go and trust.

So needless to say, these photos aren't just beautiful to me because I am happy how they turned out, but they are beautiful to me because they are some of the people I love the most and because they remind me, yet again, that I must learn to "let go."

So here's to letting go. Enjoy!